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"Then what will you call yourself?" Ryan asked."Whatever you choose," Candi said, looking at Ryan thoughtfully."Jessica. My middle name. You will remember me, for better or forworse." Thank you." Don't thank me, yet," Ryan said seriously. "Your life is still going tobe harder than it was originally. You have to survive being a child ofthe state, no family, no one to love you. You have your work cut out." I don't care, you saved me from years of torment. I was slapped,beaten, humiliated, and no one had second thoughts about sexuallyassaulting me. People almost seemed to resent me, as if I were less thanhuman, and the worse I was treated, the stronger my body reacted. Itwon't be harder than that."Ryan softened. "Look, Jessica, When I was Tyler, my father's big tenetwas self-responsibility. Maybe to a fault. I've taken responsibility formy part of everything that's got me here. I shouldn't have taken thedeal, I shouldn't have stormed the school, I shouldn't have made myselfvulnerable to. Theoccasional professional impersonator might manage but I don't think it isan option for you."You want to be able to 'go public' but not from your house so what did youhave in mind?" I was thinking of buying a condo with a private entrance. I could movewhat was needed there from the house and set it up as a lease to my'sister' who travels a great deal." I suggest you go ahead and find something suitable but that you lease itto maybe a distant cousin, not a sister. Once that is in place then perhapsplan on eventually spending one week a month dressed. But first I'm goingto suggest, at the very least, you spend one complete month en femme untilyou feel comfortable. You have to find and develop your female characterand get so used to it that it becomes second nature." You're going to need help to continue developing that feminine persona.Believe me it's not just the clothes and makeup and, Michael, it is notsomething you can do by yourself."We knew I could not keep flying to the west.
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